Not about me


My nerves are often tweaking a bit on Fridays. A long run is lingering and I start to question my abilities, not in just running but also fundraising.

While spending precious time that I could use to do literally anything else, I was scrolling through social media when I saw a connection’s post about a fundraising project. Lots of people seem to be raising money socially for something and I wasn’t at all surprised to see this person jumping on the bandwagon. I clicked to the fundraising landing page and scrolled through the donations. My stomachs tightened a bit as I read the familiar names all contributing to this person’s selfless act. I was annoyed, and frankly jealous, that so many people were supporting this person, when I didn’t think that he deserved it. How come those people hadn’t supported my page and my fundraising campaign? I certainly deserved it more. 

Now, this is not at all the first time that I’ve been envious about the support this particular person has received, sometimes claiming that it isn’t deserved, and while I should probably bring this up with my therapist, I had to take a step back.

First, I had to look at the numbers. I’ve raised 83 percent of my goal and fundraising is going so good that I am inspired to raise my goal amount. It doesn’t matter that other people have raised more or have higher goals, this is a big deal for me. I honestly wasn’t sure I could even make it this far.

Then there are my supporters. If you have followed this blog or this one, you know that I tend to focus too much on those outside of my circle than those in it. The truth is that I have been simply astounded by the support from my family and friends. Each time I get a email that says someone has donated, my heart leaps a bit. Then I tear up when I look at the donation, whether it is $10 or $100. It means so much to me that people would be filling to give money to my cause, that they want to be on MY team.

But that’s the thing, this isn’t about me. Yes, people donate because I ask them to, but the money isn’t for me. The goal isn’t to see how many supporters I have, the number of donations or the final figured compared to others. This whole thing is about supporting someone else. Giving a bit to someone who could really use that bit. In this process, I am merely a middle man, showing people who want to help where to go. IMG_5303

This weekend, I ran 12 miles with Team World Vision as part of our weekly training run and then I joined two of my friends for the 6 K for Water. The team run was great and my pace group straight out crushed those miles. Then, I got to chat with my two friends and breeze through a very organized and pleasant run. Throughout both runs, I wore a race bib with the picture of a young Kenyan girl, Grace. Grace is just one of the many people in Kenya that will benefit from the new pumps her community leaders will build with the help of World Vision. She will be able to go to school, live with fewer illnesses and properly nurture herself with clean water. Her whole world will change with access to clean water.

When I was a Peace Corps volunteer, my only real goal for two years was to improve one life, that one person would be a bit better off because I crossed through his or her life. I will never know for sure, but I have to believe that I accomplished that gaol, even if for my own piece of mind.

With this marathon, I am not out to prove that I am a good person or to have so and so donate to my campaign or to brag about how much I raised or whatever. All I want to do is make one person’s life a bit better and hopefully I can find a few people to help me in that endeavor. Just one life, that’s all I can hope for.

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