Many things are changing lately, at home and here in Africa. I am not sure how to make sense of it all, but it is probably best not to try and absorb it as it comes.
Still, I need something dependable, something that makes all the whirling stop for a second and that I can feel comfortable in. Right now, running is that thing.
I know that I am training and so I need to be out on the road, but lately I need those road miles fro my mental state than my physical one. Running is like putting on an old sweatshirt, all is familiar and everything else feels a bit more manageable when wearing it.
This is am emotional part of my service – the one year mark – and time of year – the holidays. It feels like I am spinning my wheels in thick mud, only to kick dirt in my face. Life is moving steadily without me at home and I feel so disconnected to what I shouldn’t. On a recent rest day, thoughts flooded me and I need to escape but my legs demanded the break. The next morning, my mental side won over and I ran nine meditative miles.
At this point the ultra is a side benefit to running, because my main goal is to keep my sanity. Without most of my other coping mechanisms wiped away in my Third World lifestyle, running is something the only thing that can save me. And it is. It is saving me from the natural rush of emotions that comes with this job and being so far away from home. It is saving me from myself.
The rest of the world can change and feel uncomfortable but as long as I can run then I can manage it all.